Thursday, January 31, 2008

To Sir With Love


Dear Bob,

I am an avid viewer of your Sunday morning news program, Face the Nation. In fact, it is the only Sunday morning political show I enjoy watching. Your measured, unbiased reporting and interviewing skills are unrivaled amongst your colleagues.

My boyfriend is a politics junkie and, if he had his way, he would watch every news program and channel that existed including (but not limited to) CNN, MSNBC, FOX News, C-SPAN, Jim Lehrer, Chris Matthews and every program that has Tim Russert. I prefer Supernanny and Project Runway.

In choosing to retire from your program you are seriously jeopardizing the delicate balance of peace and televising equality in our home. My boyfriend could always count on me agreeing to watch your program without any groaning, eye-rolling or needing to promise me long back scratches which is what he is met with when he wants to watch pretty much anything else that isn't Ancient Discoveries, Jon & Kate plus Eight or SYTYCD/ANTM Cycle a billion.

In short, I find your choice selfish and thoughtless.

If you want to have unrest brought upon households across this fine country then please go ahead and retire. Play golf in the Bahamas and write your books. Play music with your friends and enjoy your children and grandchildren. If you need to be self-centered in that way then, by all means, go ahead. But if you care about this country the way you claim to then you should not retire but rather add a daily program to your schedule as well as your Sunday program. My relationship and therefor the world will fare better.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
A Concerned Viewer

PS -- Please don't take this the wrong way. You are a very nice man which is why I like your program so much. Do the right thing.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

i do my little turn on the catwalk

rogray and i have become increasingly obsessed with our awesome, evil cat, harper, lately. rogray especially.

for instance we were at dinner the other night and rogray siad "i wish harper was here. she would really enjoy this."

and he was right. . .she would have enjoyed it because it was sushi and she's a cat.

i've become obsessed with trying to capture the cute essence of our furry friend and this has resulted in many impromptu photo shoots -- so let's take a look at our fluffy diva:

vintage calvin klein style:

harper photo shoot 1

very french "i do not care what you think":

harper photo shoot 7

the extreme close-up:

curious

action shot!:

yaaaaaawn

romance story:

more bliss

possible perfume ad for eau de purr:

i can haz scratches

cutest fur ball ever! the paws! the fur!:

napping

now if only she were nice to people. . .because she isn't nice to people. . .in fact she's terrible to people. . .people never get to see this side of her because she is either growling, yelling, hissing or clawing at them or she's hiding deep in the recesses of rogray's closet -- which is actually the ideal place for her to be when there are strangers in the house. . .strangers that are our closest friends and family, many of which have been kind enough to take care of her -- you know. strangers.

so i put these pictures up as a testament to how calm and cute she can be so the next time she is trying to remove the flesh from your bone because you are simply trying to say hello you know that she's not evil -- she's just tired from her photo shoot.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

only in my dreams






last night as rogray and i cuddled and chatted before bed (adorable right? i mean. . .gross. we don't cuddle.) i began to drift off to sleep. . .i don't know what we were talking about, or rather, what rogray was talking about but at a pause in his conversation i asked him the following:


"does your dad use camera tape or regular tape?"


rogray promptly asked me to repeat what i asked and i believe half-way through repeating i woke up and and asked him what i had said. at which point i became thoroughly confused because what the hell kind of question is that?

rogray wanted to know what i had been thinking of but i had no idea because i think i was mainly sleeping at that point. . .i think this might rank up there with the time that rogray caught me singing in my sleep like an opera singer.

special.

Monday, January 14, 2008

we wish you a merry chrismukkah: the even later edition

ok. . .so jk didn't like my last post (see comments) but seeing as he's just been posting pictures of things he ate in paris i'm not sure what his le boeuf is -- get it le boeuf? because he was in paris? i've decided to continue talking about our holidays because a: i think i'm still recovering from them and b: they seemed to last forever.

you see, christmas started for rogray and myself at thanksgiving. why? because rogray's family is cuckoo for xmas so in the years where his mom gets the kids for thanksgiving and his dad gets the kids for christmas rogray's mom wants us to do christmas at thanksgiving so she doesn't miss out on any of the gift-giving fun. that means that every other year i get to go celebrate christmas twice -- which is a lot of christmas for this little jewish lady. . .but just fine for rogray -- i swaer the kid could listen to manheim steamroller for 2 months straight and still want more.

the only pictures i have of christmas at thanksgiving are from pedro & gracie opening all of their presents. . .and by all i mean all 50 of them. . .per child. it was intense to watch.

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see that pile of presents behind pedro? present upon present teetering precariously atop one another? well those are gracie's presents. . .just gracie's. . .pedro's are in another spot in the room. and that pile was after gracie had already opened a few. at one point gracie and pedro were all done and ready to play but we told them they had to finish opening all of their presents and i swear i saw gracie vomit in her mouth when she looked at the tower she had to get through.

as usual with toddlers they only wanted to play with the first thing they opened anyway which made the whole thing more chaotic. so all gracie wanted to do was wear her dora the explorer princess dress:

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and all pedro wanted to do was play candyland: the dora the explorer edition (sensing a theme here?):

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i think my favorite moment was this series:

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which led to this series:

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i know this makes us a horrible people but for some reason we find it hilarious to take pictures of pedro when he's crying -- i mean not when he's crying about something truly tragic. . .then that's not funny -- but all the other times. . .it's funny.

anyway we ate some turkey, stuffing and the like, went to see american gangster and i'm sure took a nap or two -- and pedro and gracie got so many presents their heads almost exploded -- just a typical holiday. and i have a sneaking suspicion that gracie is still wearing her dora the explorer princess dress in spite of the six other princess dresses she got that day:

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better jk?

oh christmas tree: the very late edition

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so i've been fairly MIA lately -- i've just been busy. . .i cleaned and organized our apartment -- i mean cleaned. like the grout between the tiles in our bathroom have been scrubbed with bleach using a toothbrush.

so i haven't been posting but i decided it would be wrong of me to not post some pictures from our holidays so i'll begin with the results of our annual chrismukkah decoarting party. you know the one -- where we make people come over to our house and feed them pigs in a blanket and cheeseballs and then expect them to make decoartions for our tree -- yeah, that one. well this year was a slightly smaller crew however the decorations were, dare i say, better than last year so here we go:

a simple blending of the traditions:
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a jew on a christmas tree:
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a bell with hanging bells: (is that meta?)
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ladies:
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the chrismukkah creatures:
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the poetic ornament:
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and lastly, perhaps my all time favorite, the conjoined twins:
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that's right. . .they are gleefully announcing that they just received their driver's license. ms. n had just seen a documentary on these twins and was feeling inspired. every time i looked at that ornament i kept thinking "when they get pulled over for speeding who has to give their license to the cop?"

anybody know the answer?

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Monday, January 07, 2008

Nap Alert!

by Rogray

This is the first entry in what will hopefully become an immense and historically unprecedented catalogue of naps. I hope this feature will be a frequent occurrence here on Crosswords, both for your sake, since you will all no doubt be endlessly entertained by my brilliant talking-about-naps abilities, but also for my sake, because it will mean I’m taking a lot of naps.

It seems fitting to begin in a realm where naps run rampant, unmitigated by typical societal restraints: the holiday vacation nap recap.

CHAPTER ONE – The Slow Descent to Leisure

The action began with Plane Ride Nap #1. Shaygo and I had ambitious plans for the journey, including watching a DVD, playing a card game, and reading books. Plane Ride Nap #1 was the first step in banishing those plans to oblivion. Difficult to gauge the time, but it lasted somewhere in the range of 20-40 min, and let me tell you, it never felt so good to crash while in an airplane.

(pause for laughter)

Woke up feeling relaxed, suffering from the na├»ve delusion that I would do some stuff. Then came Plane Ride Nap #2. I felt #2’s delicate hand guiding me toward sleep-land, as the Nap Gods gently closed my eyes. I resisted, screaming “NOOO!” (just in my mind, of course), fearing #2 would be a shabby attempt to recapture the glory of #1, leaving me groggy and with a headache. Like Jonah, I fled from my duty, trying desperately to keep my eyes open, but was quickly swallowed by a Nap Whale that took me slowly toward unconsciousness. Surprisingly, #2 was a lovely continuation of #1, more than a coda, an entire second movement expanding upon the relaxations of #1, taking it to a whole new level of comfort. Shaygo and I accomplished virtually none of our plane ride goals, and yet . . . it seemed like a whole lot was accomplished.

CHAPTER TWO – CHRISTMAS DAY

The presents had been opened. Wine had been drunk. Turkey consumed. I don’t subscribe to the Tryptophan myth. As I understand it, scientific evidence indicates that Turkey doesn’t actually contain enough Tryptophan to generate sleep-inducing effects. After the meal, though, when someone made a joke about “Tryptophan setting in” I didn’t argue the point and let it slide – I had more important things to do . . .

My 2 hour mammoth Christmas nap is the reason vacations were invented. It could be considered a continuation of the Plane Ride Naps (see Chapter 1 for description). Though distanced in time by a few days from the Plane Ride Naps, when viewed as a whole, this triplet marks my slow descent into unequivocal vacation crash mode. Shaygo, it should be noted, had been taking 2 hour naps essentially every day since the beginning of our vacation, and it was lovely to join her in what could be referred to as Nap Mayhem 2007. The season of giving officially became the season of taking . . . naps, that is.

(pause, adjust tie during cold silence)

CHAPTER THREE – The Bittersweet Nature of Impermanence

Two days before our departure I sat in the living room. The television was showing a football game that I wasn’t watching, people were sitting around, talking, reading magazines, monkeys were running around like maniacs. My thoughts turned to what lay ahead. A return to the subway commute, the biting cold air, that woman at work who irrationally hates me for no particular reason, sleep deprivation. With the knowledge of vacation’s conclusion at the forefront of my mind, my eyes closed, and I slipped into a quick 20 minute-er.

This nap stood on its own. A one act for sure, but like Pinter’s Ashes to Ashes, replete with intensity. Its power rested in my knowledge that the daily grind would prevent its frequent repetition. Bitterness and sweetness coexisting. The yin-yang of nappery.

CONCLUSION

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not some lazy aristocrat napping on the cushion created by the drudgery of the proletariat. I nap hard because I work hard. The intervals between Nap Alerts may be substantial, as naps and "life" prove frequently to be bitter enemies. Who knows, though, perhaps some day soon on the subway I’ll succumb to the more lethargic angels of my nature and dose off between subway stops.

One things’s for sure…

The next time I nap, you’ll be the first to know.

Friday, January 04, 2008

don't call it a comeback

happy new year y'all!! rogray and i are back from a tour of the southeast and i am back from my unintentional blog hiatus. . .so the 2 of you who read this (whaddup momgo & dadgo) your prayers have been answered.

i will be doing a longer post about all of our chrismukkah activities but for now i am keeping t simple and making a blog announcement.

Keeping in line with the whole New Year/New You thing I keep hearing about we will be adding a new feature:

NAP ALERT with ROGRAY!!!


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rogray will be making occasional appearances on this here blog to let us know about his naps and i believe he will be starting with a vacation re-cap. if that doesn't excite you than you must have a very exciting life.

Happy New Year!! here's to keeping your resolutions!!