oh, what a relief it is. . .

to continue in the too much information category:

for some reason i am usually the first on my floor at work to go to the bathroom
in the morning. this is not a big whoop (who says that?) except. . .

that means that i get to enjoy the simple pleasure of being the first to use the newly cleaned toilet.

now, for men, this might not hold the same kind of excitement as it does for women since you spend most of the time standing to pee. . .unless you are one of those rare breed men who sit to pee which i'll never really understand but whatever because maybe i would get bored standing all the time too - i just wish i had the option to switch it up like that. . .

anyway -- there's something very pleasing about getting to be the first to use the newly cleaned toilet -- or newly cleaned shower for that matter. i put it up there with the feeling you get when you are wearing a new pair of underwear for the first time.

Smells like Nirvana

warning: this may be too much information.

every night when i come home i immediately release noxious fumes out of the lower rear of my body. aka i fart everywhere and a lot.

every night i say the following to rogray: "god, i am so gassy tonight. i wonder why that is."

why do i say that?

because every night i am shocked, shocked, to find myself the generator of repeated and intense farts. shocked like a goldfish that repeatedly discovers that not only is there a small chest of booty in its aquarium but that the booty is fake and therefore not worth enough money to get herself out of the hell-hole that is her new home and back into the hell-hole that was her old home at petco.

rogray thinks that my farting ritual has something to do with this.

but if you ask me -- it's a head scratcher.