Tuesday, July 31, 2007

it's my birthday too. . .

last thursday i turned the big 2-9. i know. you're shocked. how could i be 29 when i look like i'm 18?

card that lady!

well, i am. i was born on july 26th in 1978 at 8:22pm. thanks mom! (& dad)

usually i love my birthday -- rogray's birthday is on june 30th and i use that to kick start my birthday celebration and spend the next month telling everyone i know that my big day is just around the corner. the celebration culminates at some kind of soiree where all my friends and acquaintances are forced to gather around me and tell me that i am the prettiest, smartest, funniest and most talented lady they know. and that i have a really nice rack.


(p.s. there is a penis shaped swizzle stick in between my boobs in that picture. not just because i am a classy, mature lady but also because it was koogs' bachelorette party.)

this year was a very different birthday. a: rogray wasn't here. b: i didn't feel up to organizing a party so i just had some ladies over to watch so you think you can dance (best show ever) and eat dinner. aka kickied it very low key. c: this is the first birthday i wasn't insanely excited about.

but why? i do think it had something to do with being a year away from the really big 3-0. i know, i know. i'm still really young and have my whole life ahead of me and age is just a number and all that crap but i have yet to meet someone who greeted turning 30 as anything but a mild form of doom. gone are the glory days of being able to stay out until 4am drinking and hoping to get laid (not that i ever did that momgo and dadgo) only to wake up at 8am to go to work. gone are the glory days of being able to eat 4 slices of pizza drink a soda and have an ice cream without walking into a gastrointestinal nightmare. gone are the days of even thinking that the aforementioned activities are even remotely glorious. now i'm tired by 11:30pm and have to restrict my grease and, dare i say?, dairy intake. and i like being in bed a little early and eating dinner in. . .basically i've left the 20s and am headed right into my 30s.

the real reason for my ennui though is that i feel, for the first time in my life, that i am not sure what i want to do or how to get where i want to go. i've dedicated my life to theater since i was a child and now, i am not so sure that is what i am meant to do. or if it is, how to do it. when i think about what i want my life to look like in the next 20-30 years it involves sitting in a rehearsal room at some awesome college teaching the youth of america why they should blindly commit their lives to a career as a theater artist when there is no guarantee of success much less money or security and that such a commitment puts you on the expres train to a life of out of control egos, insane insecurity and frustration. it is so amazing you guys.

as i embark on my 30th year and realize that my "career" seems to be at the same place it was when i graduated from college and yet i still believe that i have something to give i realize that i feel more lost now than i ever have and yet on a personal level i feel more adult and mature than ever before. do you see how confusing? i am not yet ready to give up on the "dream" and get furious with anyone who suggests giving up and yet i am at a loss for how to get to where i want to go.

so what the hell am i supposed to do? i'm not sure but i have a feeling i'm going to be spending the next year of my life trying to figure it out.

son of a bitch.

Happy Birthday to me!

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Let's Get Physical

see that car? see how that car kicks ass? it's the kind of car that you wouldn't want to pull up next to you at a stop light and challenge you to a race because you would surely be left in the dust because you are driving a minivan. but if you were training for some drag races this is the car you would want to train you.

so where am i going with this? well i just got a personal trainer and her name is, i kid you not, PORSCHE. and she is the ass-kicking car and i am the minivan. you've seen pictures of me on this blog -- i am adorable, soft, round and a rubens-esque dream. porsche is this totally hot, cut, ass so tight you could bounce quarters off of it lady who is going to be sculpting the clay of my body into stone, cold marble. that sounded dirty.

after the first session i am sore -- but not so sore that i think i'm going to die -- just sore enough to remind me of all those muscles i've been ignoring. and, at the end of our first session she looked at me with her chiseled features and her flowing dreads and said what we all had been thinking: "i am going to kick your ass."

oh. my. god.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

I'm sorry, so sorry

the past few weeks have been mind-blowingly busy:

*finished filming for the documentary
*koogs' bachelorette party
*coney island mermaid parade
*sinus infection
*rogray's birthday (he's 29!!!)
*koogs' wedding

and now this week:

*the 4th
*getting ready to go to hazlet's wedding in london
*getting rogray ready to go to the sundance theater lab
*celebrating my birthday (i'm 29!!!) a few weeks early since rogray is going to miss it-- it's a surprise and all i know is it involves going away somewhere on saturday -- i love my birthday!

all of that is to give you an excuse as to why i haven't been updating this thing.

when i get back from london town this site is going to be on fire people. on fire.

i will leave you with this quick story from koogs' wedding:

during the cocktail hour after the amazing ceremony (tears galore) i went to the bar and ordered a vodka tonic. and guess what happened? I GOT CARDED. at a hotel bar. at one of my best friend's wedding!!!!!!! WHAT??? koogs' 25 year old brother had to convince them that i was, in fact, not just of age but a year away from 30. humiliating.