To Sir With Love

Dear Bob,

I am an avid viewer of your Sunday morning news program, Face the Nation. In fact, it is the only Sunday morning political show I enjoy watching. Your measured, unbiased reporting and interviewing skills are unrivaled amongst your colleagues.

My boyfriend is a politics junkie and, if he had his way, he would watch every news program and channel that existed including (but not limited to) CNN, MSNBC, FOX News, C-SPAN, Jim Lehrer, Chris Matthews and every program that has Tim Russert. I prefer Supernanny and Project Runway.

In choosing to retire from your program you are seriously jeopardizing the delicate balance of peace and televising equality in our home. My boyfriend could always count on me agreeing to watch your program without any groaning, eye-rolling or needing to promise me long back scratches which is what he is met with when he wants to watch pretty much anything else that isn't Ancient Discoveries, Jon & Kate plus Eight or SYTYCD/ANTM Cycle a billion.

In short, I find your choice selfish and thoughtless.

If you want to have unrest brought upon households across this fine country then please go ahead and retire. Play golf in the Bahamas and write your books. Play music with your friends and enjoy your children and grandchildren. If you need to be self-centered in that way then, by all means, go ahead. But if you care about this country the way you claim to then you should not retire but rather add a daily program to your schedule as well as your Sunday program. My relationship and therefor the world will fare better.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
A Concerned Viewer

PS -- Please don't take this the wrong way. You are a very nice man which is why I like your program so much. Do the right thing.

i do my little turn on the catwalk

rogray and i have become increasingly obsessed with our awesome, evil cat, harper, lately. rogray especially.

for instance we were at dinner the other night and rogray siad "i wish harper was here. she would really enjoy this."

and he was right. . .she would have enjoyed it because it was sushi and she's a cat.

i've become obsessed with trying to capture the cute essence of our furry friend and this has resulted in many impromptu photo shoots -- so let's take a look at our fluffy diva:

vintage calvin klein style:



very french "i do not care what you think":



the extreme close-up:



action shot!:



romance story:



possible perfume ad for eau de purr:



cutest fur ball ever! the paws! the fur!:



now if only she were nice to people. . .because she isn't nice to people. . .in fact she's terrible to people. . .people never get to see this side of her because she is either growling, yelling, hissing or clawing at them or she's hiding deep in the recesses of rogray's closet -- which is actually the ideal place for her to be when there are strangers in the house. . .strangers that are our closest friends and family, many of which have been kind enough to take care of her -- you know. strangers.

so i put these pictures up as a testament to how calm and cute she can be so the next time she is trying to remove the flesh from your bone because you are simply trying to say hello you know that she's not evil -- she's just tired from her photo shoot.

only in my dreams

last night as rogray and i cuddled and chatted before bed (adorable right? i mean. . .gross. we don't cuddle.) i began to drift off to sleep. . .i don't know what we were talking about, or rather, what rogray was talking about but at a pause in his conversation i asked him the following:


"does your dad use camera tape or regular tape?"


rogray promptly asked me to repeat what i asked and i believe half-way through repeating i woke up and and asked him what i had said. at which point i became thoroughly confused because what the hell kind of question is that?

rogray wanted to know what i had been thinking of but i had no idea because i think i was mainly sleeping at that point. . .i think this might rank up there with the time that rogray caught me singing in my sleep like an opera singer.

special.

gimme more

it's so beautiful.

this is why i love apple.

i want one.

we wish you a merry chrismukkah: the even later edition

ok. . .so jk didn't like my last post (see comments) but seeing as he's just been posting pictures of things he ate in paris i'm not sure what his le boeuf is -- get it le boeuf? because he was in paris? i've decided to continue talking about our holidays because a: i think i'm still recovering from them and b: they seemed to last forever.

you see, christmas started for rogray and myself at thanksgiving. why? because rogray's family is cuckoo for xmas so in the years where his mom gets the kids for thanksgiving and his dad gets the kids for christmas rogray's mom wants us to do christmas at thanksgiving so she doesn't miss out on any of the gift-giving fun. that means that every other year i get to go celebrate christmas twice -- which is a lot of christmas for this little jewish lady. . .but just fine for rogray -- i swaer the kid could listen to manheim steamroller for 2 months straight and still want more.

the only pictures i have of christmas at thanksgiving are from pedro & gracie opening all of their presents. . .and by all i mean all 50 of them. . .per child. it was intense to watch.



see that pile of presents behind pedro? present upon present teetering precariously atop one another? well those are gracie's presents. . .just gracie's. . .pedro's are in another spot in the room. and that pile was after gracie had already opened a few. at one point gracie and pedro were all done and ready to play but we told them they had to finish opening all of their presents and i swear i saw gracie vomit in her mouth when she looked at the tower she had to get through.

as usual with toddlers they only wanted to play with the first thing they opened anyway which made the whole thing more chaotic. so all gracie wanted to do was wear her dora the explorer princess dress:



and all pedro wanted to do was play candyland: the dora the explorer edition (sensing a theme here?):



i think my favorite moment was this series:



which led to this series:



i know this makes us a horrible people but for some reason we find it hilarious to take pictures of pedro when he's crying -- i mean not when he's crying about something truly tragic. . .then that's not funny -- but all the other times. . .it's funny.

anyway we ate some turkey, stuffing and the like, went to see american gangster and i'm sure took a nap or two -- and pedro and gracie got so many presents their heads almost exploded -- just a typical holiday. and i have a sneaking suspicion that gracie is still wearing her dora the explorer princess dress in spite of the six other princess dresses she got that day:



better jk?

oh christmas tree: the very late edition

so i've been fairly MIA lately -- i've just been busy. . .i cleaned and organized our apartment -- i mean cleaned. like the grout between the tiles in our bathroom have been scrubbed with bleach using a toothbrush.

so i haven't been posting but i decided it would be wrong of me to not post some pictures from our holidays so i'll begin with the results of our annual chrismukkah decoarting party. you know the one -- where we make people come over to our house and feed them pigs in a blanket and cheeseballs and then expect them to make decoartions for our tree -- yeah, that one. well this year was a slightly smaller crew however the decorations were, dare i say, better than last year so here we go:

a simple blending of the traditions:


a jew on a christmas tree:


a bell with hanging bells: (is that meta?)


ladies:



the chrismukkah creatures:





the poetic ornament:


and lastly, perhaps my all time favorite, the conjoined twins:

that's right. . .they are gleefully announcing that they just received their driver's license. ms. n had just seen a documentary on these twins and was feeling inspired. every time i looked at that ornament i kept thinking "when they get pulled over for speeding who has to give their license to the cop?"

anybody know the answer?

Nap Alert!

by Rogray

This is the first entry in what will hopefully become an immense and historically unprecedented catalogue of naps. I hope this feature will be a frequent occurrence here on Crosswords, both for your sake, since you will all no doubt be endlessly entertained by my brilliant talking-about-naps abilities, but also for my sake, because it will mean I’m taking a lot of naps.

It seems fitting to begin in a realm where naps run rampant, unmitigated by typical societal restraints: the holiday vacation nap recap.

CHAPTER ONE – The Slow Descent to Leisure

The action began with Plane Ride Nap #1. Shaygo and I had ambitious plans for the journey, including watching a DVD, playing a card game, and reading books. Plane Ride Nap #1 was the first step in banishing those plans to oblivion. Difficult to gauge the time, but it lasted somewhere in the range of 20-40 min, and let me tell you, it never felt so good to crash while in an airplane.

(pause for laughter)

Woke up feeling relaxed, suffering from the naïve delusion that I would do some stuff. Then came Plane Ride Nap #2. I felt #2’s delicate hand guiding me toward sleep-land, as the Nap Gods gently closed my eyes. I resisted, screaming “NOOO!” (just in my mind, of course), fearing #2 would be a shabby attempt to recapture the glory of #1, leaving me groggy and with a headache. Like Jonah, I fled from my duty, trying desperately to keep my eyes open, but was quickly swallowed by a Nap Whale that took me slowly toward unconsciousness. Surprisingly, #2 was a lovely continuation of #1, more than a coda, an entire second movement expanding upon the relaxations of #1, taking it to a whole new level of comfort. Shaygo and I accomplished virtually none of our plane ride goals, and yet . . . it seemed like a whole lot was accomplished.

CHAPTER TWO – CHRISTMAS DAY

The presents had been opened. Wine had been drunk. Turkey consumed. I don’t subscribe to the Tryptophan myth. As I understand it, scientific evidence indicates that Turkey doesn’t actually contain enough Tryptophan to generate sleep-inducing effects. After the meal, though, when someone made a joke about “Tryptophan setting in” I didn’t argue the point and let it slide – I had more important things to do . . .

My 2 hour mammoth Christmas nap is the reason vacations were invented. It could be considered a continuation of the Plane Ride Naps (see Chapter 1 for description). Though distanced in time by a few days from the Plane Ride Naps, when viewed as a whole, this triplet marks my slow descent into unequivocal vacation crash mode. Shaygo, it should be noted, had been taking 2 hour naps essentially every day since the beginning of our vacation, and it was lovely to join her in what could be referred to as Nap Mayhem 2007. The season of giving officially became the season of taking . . . naps, that is.

(pause, adjust tie during cold silence)

CHAPTER THREE – The Bittersweet Nature of Impermanence

Two days before our departure I sat in the living room. The television was showing a football game that I wasn’t watching, people were sitting around, talking, reading magazines, monkeys were running around like maniacs. My thoughts turned to what lay ahead. A return to the subway commute, the biting cold air, that woman at work who irrationally hates me for no particular reason, sleep deprivation. With the knowledge of vacation’s conclusion at the forefront of my mind, my eyes closed, and I slipped into a quick 20 minute-er.

This nap stood on its own. A one act for sure, but like Pinter’s Ashes to Ashes, replete with intensity. Its power rested in my knowledge that the daily grind would prevent its frequent repetition. Bitterness and sweetness coexisting. The yin-yang of nappery.

CONCLUSION

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not some lazy aristocrat napping on the cushion created by the drudgery of the proletariat. I nap hard because I work hard. The intervals between Nap Alerts may be substantial, as naps and "life" prove frequently to be bitter enemies. Who knows, though, perhaps some day soon on the subway I’ll succumb to the more lethargic angels of my nature and dose off between subway stops.

One things’s for sure…

The next time I nap, you’ll be the first to know.

don't call it a comeback

happy new year y'all!! rogray and i are back from a tour of the southeast and i am back from my unintentional blog hiatus. . .so the 2 of you who read this (whaddup momgo & dadgo) your prayers have been answered.

i will be doing a longer post about all of our chrismukkah activities but for now i am keeping t simple and making a blog announcement.

Keeping in line with the whole New Year/New You thing I keep hearing about we will be adding a new feature:

NAP ALERT with ROGRAY!!!



rogray will be making occasional appearances on this here blog to let us know about his naps and i believe he will be starting with a vacation re-cap. if that doesn't excite you than you must have a very exciting life.

Happy New Year!! here's to keeping your resolutions!!

I brought the curl back and the golf hat

yesterday morning while i was brushing my teeth rogray told me something shocking. apparently our cat harper had told him that she was going to go golfing.

at first i didn't believe him because, well, she's a cat and cats can't golf. but then harper sent me these pictures that she took from her iphone: (how she can afford an iphone is beyond me since all she does all day is sleep, eat, attack things that aren't there and then sleep again but there is a lot about her that doesn't add up.)







golfing. cats.

who knew?

I'm gonna lay down in the spa

last year, literally, hazlet was kind of enough to give gift certificates for spa manicure/pedicures to koogs and myself for our birthdays. because koogs and i are lame it took us a full year to get around to using them.

rogray & hazlet's hubby, mr. gouldwood, wished us well as we went to get our nails did:



mr. gouldwood was showing us that he and rogray were going to be doing fun manly things like trying on clothes that are pink.

after a delicious 90 minutes of soaking, buffing, massaging and painting koogs and i emerged from the spa looking as if our fingers were dripping in jewels. we met up with hazlet at brunch to see what she might think:



hazlet likes the red!! i've never, ever painted my nails any other color bur clear so i am very happy to see that she liked it. but what about koogs' nails? will she go for the deep purple-red that she opted for?



and it's a YES!!! woo-hoo. . .after thanking hazlet through some deep transatlantic meditation that we are sure made it all the way to london to her and her new baby we parted ways and i went home to find this happening:



rogray is writing a paper for a class he's taking on WWI & WWII. he has devised an intricate system of note taking on index cards and even harper is overwhelmed:



i mean what the hell? is that just a bunch of paper toys for her to attack or is it some kind of giant puzzle that will lead her to lots of friskies and catnip? oh, it's neither. it's knowledge. about the world.

inevitably, even harper finds this knowledge thing intriguing:



since i wasn't writing a paper i decided to do some reading in front of our fireplace:



and promptly took an hour long nap. that's right. a dvd called radiant fireplace relaxed me like an actual fireplace and put me to sleep. . .because i'm cool like that.

don't wake me, i'm tired

this is how i felt all day today. . .

I've Gotta Have Faith

it is very rare on this blog that i comment on my friend's doings because, well, this blog is about me so you are stuck reading about me from my perspective in my voice and you WILL. LOVE. IT.

but this time i need to devote a post to one friend's doing because it is insanely major and impressive and fills me with such pride i simply cannot refrain from mentioning it to you, the 4 people who read this here site.

my friend, the reverend k, has published a book!!!!

it's called the faith between us and you can buy it here, here, or any online bookseller. or you can do what rogray and i did: went to our local barnes and noble and bought it in person. from the bookstore.

i can't imagine how surreal it must be to see your book sitting on the shelf of one of your neighborhood bookstores but i imagine it's pretty surreal since it was fairly surreal to call one of my neighborhood bookstores and talk to someone in the comparative religion section and have this interaction:

me: "hey, do you have the faith between us?"

them: "yes."

me: "will you put it on hold for me?"

them: "yes."

all i wanted to tell the guy was "dude, my friend totally co-wrote that shit." but instead i said "thanks" and rogray went and picked it up.

and i was filled with pride the moment i saw my friend's name on the cover and his picture on the inside. and now i have begun to read it.

and it is beautiful. it is a conversation through essays between two 30-something men -- one a catholic, one a jew, both who both believe in and cultivate their faith. it is honest and brave and delicate and full of curiosity and acceptance. so please, please go buy this book and read it. and then buy a copy and give it to your friend or family member or hairdresser. . .anyone you think might enjoy such a thing.

thank you.

a little horsy named Paul Revere

this past weekend rogray and i jumped in a car and drove up to boston for a little sight-seeing trip and to visit his sister holgray (who i totally want to call hogray but rogray thinks that she wouldn't like it because then it's like her first name is ho but that's why i think it's funny because she's so not ho-ey).

saturday was a day of rain -- literally rain -- all day -- non-stop. but did that stop us intrepid tourists? NO!!

we forged ahead and went to quincy, ma (the birthplace of dunkin donuts) to tour the adams family estate. we started off at the mini-museum and tried on some colonial fashions:



apparently our forefathers drank dunkin donuts' coffee.

we hopped on a trolly



and proceeded on the tour of which there are no pictures because a: we weren't allowed to take pictures inside the houses and b: did i mention that it didn't stop pouring rain all day with wind gusts up to 30mph?

that night we went over to cambridge for a mini college reunion with his friends from his freshman year dorm. there was a lot of " you haven't changed a bit" going around but i imagine that with all of the marriages and babies they had all, in fact, changed quite a bit. you know -- like less pot smoking, no more platonic napping and less hair on the top of the head but more hair on the backs of the men.

here is the night told primarily through what the kids did:

this kid brought the cute:



and this one brought the adorable:



we brought the wacky:



and crisco brought the pain in his shoulder:



which you'd think his wife, an acupuncturist, would have taken care of but she was too busy smiling:



then the kids went bonkers:







we went back to the home of the harvard educated and continued our festivities over one of the best gin & tonics i've had in a long time and were treated to the sweet sound of kids with musical instruments:





the next day holgray treated us to brunch and took us for a lovely sightseeing walk through the back bay down to the charles river:





look how lovely holgray looks in this picture and then look closely at rogray. . .why is she so happy and he so confused?



we stopped to kiss this guy:



who holgray thought was einstein but turned out to be some musician and then we decided to pay homage to the dude who invented ether:



after that we went back to holgray's in the south end, got in the car, drove past fenway park and made our way home with a vow to return to good ole' beantown to tour the site of the great molasses flood of 1919 and take a little witch tour.

as holgray said, we like to go to the best places!