vacation's where I wanna be

i regret to inform, dear blog readers (all 2 of you who aren't in my family), that i will not be posting for the next 10 days because i will be here:



yes, in honor if momgo's 60th b-day and my parents 30th wedding anniversary the whole kit and kaboodle of kids, significant others, grandkids and one 93 year old grandma are going to jamaica. monetgo bay if you want to know the exact location. . .

so while you are at work i'll be snorkeling. or reading a really insanely, almost too embarrassed to admit crappy book on the white sandy beach. or taking evening swims in our villa's pool. or hanging with some dolphins. or getting a hot stone massage or a facial. or riding a horse through the waves. all while clutching a daiquiri in my hand. you know, the usual.

fortunately this study came out just in time.

i'll return with glorious pictures of my very first full-blown resort beach vacation and hopefully i won't look too sunburned. . .

i am at a loss for words. . .

BUT:

on a lighter note!

Rent

if you haven't seen this yet you should. it's fucking hilarious -- i've watched it about 12 times now and i still laugh 'til i cry. . .

go here to see it on the website funny or die.

now watch it. . .for serious.

Under the Sea

i don't know if you know this but there was a springtime nor'easter here -- meaning it rained a lot and places flooded and were evacuated. but did that stop rogray and i from joining his sister and the twins for an outing to coney island to go to the aquarium?

hell no!

it turns out that going to the aquarium on a day when nobody in their right mind would go is ideal -- the only other 4 people that were there (besides the employees) were people with small children who needed to run their kids ragged which meant p & g could run around like maniacs and nobody cared. this is pretty much how the whole day looked:



no more talking. let's just look at the pictures:














and now for the jellyfish gallery:












obviously we wrapped up the trip with some head-banging and general rocking out followed by naps. . .it was a good way to weather the weather. . .

Happy Birthday to You: Miss N!!!

last weekend was miss n's 29th birthday. . .almost everyone in my social circle are hitting the big 2-9 this year and we are all having issues with it in some way. all of my friends who have passed us into the 30 and up bracket just laugh and laugh at us as they watch us cope with our fading youth and dying dreams. it's really a good time that i will always treasure.

that's not what this is about. this is about celebrating the fact that miss n is in our life and is not getting any younger.

i went to meet miss n and her totally awesome boyfriend, le rock star, for dinner. but first -- the diva wasn't quite done getting ready:



so while she put her face on i looked at the 3(!!!) bouquets of flowers that le rock star got his lady. (rogray, are you taking notes?)





take a close look at that last one. . .that vase is just as amazing in person as it is on film. . .le rock star had no choice -- he needed a 3rd vase and that was the only one he could find at the store. . .i hope they put every flower arrangement in it.

after i forced miss n to stop putting make-up on her face and that those boots did not make her look like a pirate we went to a yummy dinner at el rincon on 5th avenue.

new york is not known for it's mexican and i am happy to report that this is very tasty, inexpensive mexican -- don't get the burritos -- go for the chimichangas -- i'm serious. almost as serious as miss n eating this chip:



after gorging ourselves we hoofed it to union hall where the main event was going to take place. . .le rock star scoped the crowd to see if there was anoyone's ass he could kick should a fight break out or maybe he was just looking at the bocce ball court. who knows what goes on in a man's mind?:



he decided to whisper sweet nothings in his sweetie's ear:



and then the party started:










the following wins for best picture of the night. it's of the hulk pointing to rogray's ass-crack.



keep looking at it.

it gets funnier.

all in all a good night was had by all. miss n turned 29 -- i drank too much and kugs, the hulk, rogray and i had doughnuts on the drive home.

Jumpin' Jack Flash

i'm suuuuper bored and sleepy at work. . .there are things i'm sure i could do but they would be equally boring. . .

everyone on my floor is gone so i've put on pandora but that's just making me irritated for some reason.

as usual with these bouts of boredom i emailed rogray and asked him what i should do to cure me of this illness.

he wrote back "jumping jacks!!"

now, i can't do that at work because what if somebody walks by? then i'd be the freak temp doing jumping jacks. but that got me thinking -- what are other inappropriate things i could do wake me up and pass the time?

the first thing that came to mind was picking my nose. because let's be honest people -- picking your nose is insanely satisfying. especially when it's chock full of boogers because when you are done picking it your nose feels so free and clear. it's like an orgasm for your nose.

i'm going to assume that jk would shout out "masturbating!" and yes that is reeeeeeally inappropriate but definitely one way to pass the time.

going to the bathroom to poop, investigate if there's anything in your teeth and to just disappear for a bit is another method -- but not really inappropriate.

sleeping under your desk? only works if you have an office. also, is it really that inappropriate?

what else?

obvs calling all your friends who live in places like canada or engalnd. . .inappropriate but definitely fun.

looking at porn -- not just inappropriate but also stupid -- because you will definitely get caught for that one.

anyone have anything else to add?

Hard Times in New York Town

momgo, dadgo, proceed with caution. . .

you know how when sometimes you're walking down the street in good ole' NYC and you're debating about whether or not to get an overpriced latte because you want one but should you really spend the money on it and all of a sudden as you're crossing the street some dude on a bike swerves dangerously close to you making kissing sounds and leans into your chest and says "i wanna fuck you" -- you know about that?

and then you say "FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!!!!" because you feel kinda gross.

and then douche mcgee says "yeah fat ass I'm gonna fuck you."

and in a way you're impressed because he not only managed to invade your personal space but to objectify you and attempt to make you feel bad about your body all at the same time in a matter of seconds and that takes some kind of talent.

but what you really want to do is whatever would make his bicycle and his balls look like the bike in the picture. instead of taking a stab at that you decide to go get that latte and then it's one of the worst lattes you've ever had despite how cute the bakery where you got it was and then you feel worse instead of better. . .you know those moments?

those are the moments that make me very angry at men and new york city.

very.
very.
angry.

delicate origami creatures

let the kugs and hazlet marathon continue:

both ladies are getting hitched this summer. kugs july 1, hazlet july 13. kugs in red bank, nj overlooking the navesink river (bruce springsteen's fave river. . .weird) and hazlet in her neighborhood in london -- i'm going to both. it's a very busy summer for me.

anyway, kugs needed help folding origami boxes -- she had already folded 100 and couldn't bear the idea of folding another 120 so she bought us pizza and we helped her.

here's how it went down:

the paper:



the lesson:



the artists:




my best box:



was nothing in comparisons to hazlet's and i don't know why this picture is so upside down:



she was on fire. . .it made us all try harder. . .to be the best. . .

after a lot of this:


we had piles and piles of origami boxes:



and kugs'apartment was crawling with 'em:



but we did it -- we made all 120 of them and a few extras and now she's done. and so was miss n: